BOUNDARIES COURSE

I will be running a relationship building and boundaries course in 2009, called ‘Towards healthy relationships and abundant life’.

This course combines the principles of attachment with boundaries, in a psycho-social-biblical perspective. The course is the fruit of my own journey which included working through Cloud and Townsend’s book and workbook (in a group format) in 2000 as well as participating in one of Lindi van Niekerk’s courses, on the one hand, and through my experiences as lay counsellor over the last few years, on the other.

Duration:
The course is 12 weeks and is very extensive.

Group size:
The group size will be 6-8 people (Minimum 4).

Price:
R100 per session, or R1200 for the full course.
Participants make advance payments and commit to the full duration of the course financially.

Time: 19h00 for 19h15 -21h00

Course content: Please see details of the various courses by clicking here.

The course under discussion forms the basis for additional programmes geared towards parenting and marriage. The old ‘Overcoming sexual abuse’ is changing to ‘overcoming traumatic abuse’ in which various forms of abuse will be addressed while still recognising the unique dynamics of sexual abuse. A new course: Overcoming addictions.

Note / disclaimer:
None of the courses are deemed to replace individual therapy - rather they compliment other healing processes. Participants may be referred for additional professional help if needed. The ‘Towards overcoming addictive patterns’ course’s aim is to look at additions from a biblical and practical perspective which deals with basic theological concepts, emotions, thinking patterns (and beliefs) as well as suggestions in terms of behavioural patterns. It does not aim to replace individual therapy, twelve-step programs or any other rehabilitation intervention which individuals may need.
Karen Hayward has worked as a lay counsellor and Christian counsellor, and will be able to register in 2009 as psychological counsellor (in trauma) – she is not a psychologist.

Personal and Inter-personal health inventory
This session starts with a look at characteristics of healthy individuals, healthy families and healthy relationships. Measurements of attachments and codependence will be done using a questionnaire format.

2. Attachments and boundaries
In this session participants identify their attachment style (using the information of session one) as well as co-dependent traits. Boundaries are discussed in light of this information.

3. When things go wrong – the wounds of the past
Identifying wounding and / or abusive experiences and it’s effect on our lives.

4. When trust is broken
Identifying broken trust, the roots behind it and building blocks to rebuild trust.

5. Created in His Image: Who is God?
After an introduction of the basic doctrines of Christianity as they relate to the person(s) of God, the effects of the past on our perception of God will be identified.

6. Drawing closer to God and towards interdependence
Through the Holy Spirit the facilitator would like to see people overcoming the mindsets that keep them from drawing closer to God. They will also learn strategies to move towards healthier attachments

7. What to do with my emotions
This session deals with the identification and communication of human emotions from both a biblical and psycho-social perspective.

8. Dealing with anger, bitterness and other negative emotions
A closer look at negative emotions and thought patterns that perpetuate unhealthy relationships. Practical biblical and psychological strategies to overcome difficulties will be taught.

9. Care – confronting skills
A closer look at confronting while caring / loving – understanding the roots and applying the skill

10. Healthy authority – dealing with power games
In this session we will identify passive and / or aggressive maneuvers and strategies we and others may often use and learn to break such unhealthy patterns (in ourselves and others we are relating to). The walls of defense around our hearts will also be explored in light of rejection and rebellion.

11. A closer look at communicating boundaries
Different situations that may require ‘boundary conversations or confrontations’, will be looked at. This will be sketched against the backdrop of our responsibility to love God, ourselves and others.

12. Moving forward
We will identify how far we have come and share our plans to keep on growing and moving forward.

 LOVE AND DISCIPLINE – BOUNDARY SKILLS FOR PARENTS

Prerequisite – ‘Towards healthy relationships and abundant life’: The more healthy we grow as parents – the bigger the gift we give our children. The better we understand ourselves and have our own healthy relationships – the better able we are to set boundaries for our children in ways that are loving and that help them move towards being healthy adults.

Loving our children: A look at love languages and practical evaluation and suggestions.
Ages and stages: Challenges that our children face
The basic laws of boundaries (by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend)
The anchors of boundaries (by Dr. John Townsend):
1. Love, I’m on your side;
2. Truth: I have some rules and requirements;
3. Freedom: You can choose to respect or reject the rules;
4. Reality: Here is what will happen.
How do we encourage our children to know and love God?

BUILDING SAFE HAVEN MARRIAGES

Prerequisite: ‘Towards healthy relationships and abundant life.’ This course covers the foundational skills of relationships, which sets the stage for building safe haven marriages.

Understanding myself and my partner – Part 1
This session involves drawing up an Imago Map (of Dr. Harville Hendrix) for each person, utilizing some practical exercises. Partners will tell each other their story / stories, utilizing given guidelines that builds listening skills.

2. Understanding myself and my partner – Part 2
In this session couples will be encouraged to dialogue (using specific exercises) with one another, exploring practical ways in which they can meet each others love needs / wants. This will include identifying things that one partner may not be comfortable with and may not be willing to meet, and the communication around it.

3. Understanding myself and my partner – Part 3
In this session the information gathered in sessions 1 and 2, will be used to identify each person’s dynamics / role, in the couple’s interpersonal fear dance (Dr. Greg Smalley).

4. The mystery of marriage (Ephesians)
This session deals with the biblical foundations of marriage as a covenant.

5. Men and Women
A look at the essence of the masculine and the feminine, followed by acknowledging different needs of men and women. The ‘honouring principle’ (John Bevere) will be explored (looking at submission, sex, and more).

6. A safe haven marriage built on secure attachments and healthy boundaries. Identifying secure and other unhealthy patterns, with practical ways to build secure patterns.

7. Building trust.
Dr. Archibald Hart and Dr. Sharon Hart identifies four different forms of trust which are foundational to a safe haven marriage: 1, Truthfulness trust; 2, Judgment trust; 3, Reliability trust; and 4, heart trust. These concepts will be explored in view of building trust. We will also look at trusting God above / in all.

8. Communicate in truth and love: Tips for couples
In this session the foundational honesty will be explored in light of rules for communication given to couples by Dr. Greg Smalley.

9. Looking forward
Couples will be encouraged to give feedback, build accountability relationships, and plan ways to implement what they have learnt, consistently. This will also include a look at dealing with stumbling blocks – hoping to encourage couples to keep working at their relationships and to not ‘give up’.

TOWARDS OVERCOMING ADDICTIVE PATTERNS
This course is for people who are in a place of abstinence for most of the time. In saying this it is acknowledged that substance abuse addictions need to dealt with within specific rehabilitation environments.

Identifying and acknowledging addictive patterns
There are various addictions but similar addictive cycles. The cycles and triggers will be explored. This should result in the start of the process of interrupting and stopping the cycles.

2. Understanding addictions in light of sin
In this section addictions will be explored in terms of the intersection of sin (rebellion, idolatry, etc.) and the influences on our hearts (nature and nurture).

3. Knowing the Lord: Love and holiness
Exploring the keys to freedom: knowing the Lord and fearing the Lord. Our hunger for holiness increases as we are able to draw closer to God.

4. Dynamics in families that facilitate / breed addictive patterns
A socio-psychological exploration of family power dynamics and patterns, that perpetuate problems over generations. Ways of changing these patterns will be explored briefly (the foundational course, ‘Towards healthy relationships and abundant life’, is more encompassing).

5. Identifying underlying, typical thought patterns and beliefs
The goal in this session is to identify underlying thoughts and beliefs that drive our addictions, and to identify lies versus truth..

6. Steps towards change: Challenging our beliefs (mind renewal)

7. Steps towards change: Self-control – managing our emotions and developing character

8. Walking out our salvation
Moving towards health through continual growth in an intimate relationship with God, as well as in healthy relationships with ourselves and others. Participants will be encouraged to share their personalized strategies and plans for the present and future.

It is advised that participation in this course will be preceded or followed by the course, ‘Towards healthy relationships and abundant life’.

OVERCOMING TRAUMATIC CHILDHOOD ABUSE

Health inventory: A look at depression, anxiety, sleeping patterns as well as suicide risk. This session will include short measurements and guidelines to draw up personal plans for safety. I.e. What to do when one feels overwhelmed, angry, etc.

Exploring my story: various forms of traumatic experiences and abuse
When it becomes sexual
A look at identifying symptoms and patterns
Making sense of memories
Dealing with shame and contempt
Dealing with powerlessness and ambivalence
Dealing with betrayal
Dealing with defensive walls of rejection around our hearts
Dealing with defensive walls of rebellion around our hearts
Changing our styles of relating
Forgiveness and reconciliation
Loving boldly

In this course the dynamics of abuse and its effects will be explored from an inclusive bio-psycho-social-spiritual approach. It is biblically based and aimed at practical exercises and steps. The group context helps participants to overcome relational walls while giving each an opportunity to share a part of their stories.