I grew up in an environment where the only time I heard the name of the Lord was as a swear word. My mother was an alcoholic. She physically and emotionally abused both me and my brother, who was four years older. He in turn, vented his own frustration on me by being physically and sexually abusive. My father? – to describe him in one word – ABSENT! When he was around, he chose to ignore what was happening under his nose. He and my mother lived like the proverbial “cat and dog”

What was good? I had the privilege of having a “half” sister, ten years older who became my “mother” – she loved me, nurtured me and protected me when she could. I was ten years old when she married and left home. It was the end of my world!

When I went to high school I was fortunate enough to be sent to a Catholic Convent school – here, for the first time, I learnt that there was a God. I desperately longed for the peace that the nuns seemed to have, and in my own way I tried to be “good enough” to be acceptable to God.

I married at 18 – probably to escape my mother. She died when I was 19! After 18 years of a quietly unhappy marriage – why quietly? Well, I was taught to shut up and get on with it! We had three wonderful children and their father was (and still is) a very good father. At the age of 36 we were divorced. My single state continued for two years during which I think I tried to sow all the “wild oats” that I had been storing up from my teens!

Then… I went to a dinner party and met the man I was to marry. He was a lot older but had the widest smile I had ever seen, and twinkling eyes. He sat next to me at the dinner table and spoke a lot about God and Jesus …. I thought, “what is it with this guy? – speaking of God as though he knows Him personally!” I was fascinated and accepted an invitation to go out with him. We were inseparable; five days later he asked me to marry him! The family, mine and his, were shocked and dismayed, to say the least. His church family were aghast at him wanting to marry an unbeliever. God obviously had His own plans – I went to church and after two weeks responded to an alter call. Terrified at having to go “up front” – I sat down in relief when I was only asked to “pray quietly”! However, then the punch came … “will all those that put up their hands please come to the office at the back after the service….” I was sweating (even though women are not supposed to do that). This was the beginning – my actual capitulation came during the Christian Foundation course we had to attend when God lifted the shutter on my mind and allowed me to see myself as a sinner desperately in need of His grace and forgiveness. That was the turning point in my life.

Peter and I were married eight weeks after we met – that was more than 25 years ago. God took the mess I had made of my own life and created something worthwhile – He made ME feel that I was worthwhile and not an object to be used; He gave me hope and a future. He gave me a Christian family that loves me and accepts me as I am. I wish I had known Him earlier – but then, I would not have had the comparison of living in the dark and living in the light. I still go into a puddle of tears when I realize what an awesome, wonderful God we serve and how He rescued me and gave me, literally, a new life.

Has my life been a bed of roses since I gave my life to the Lord – Oh no! Anything but – however, I know that no matter how hard it is, He is with me and He loves me, even when I make a mess of things, which I do regularly. People have asked me what the biggest change is since my Christian walk. I would say the fact that I have nothing to hide anymore – I feel clean! “Washed in the blood of Christ” – how does anyone live without Him?