My testimony is one filled with God’s presence at each turning. I was never aware of Him at the time but looking back I can see His hand.

I am married to Steve and have 2 wonderful stepchildren in their twenties and a precious son of my own who’s just turned 2. I am blessed to have a strong marriage and good, enjoyable relationships with my stepchildren.

God brought me to this point through some very difficult times. Starting from the age of about eight till early teens, I was sexually abused by several different men. Some severe and some once off experiences. All haunted me for many years and at times made me collapse in a heap before God, pleading for strength to tackle another day with any sense of hope or real joy.

When I was in the midst of the abuse I would turn to self mutilation and alcohol to cope with the confusion and pain. As I got older I reached out to a teacher and revealed what was going on in my life. The teacher I chose happened to be a Christian. God’s hand was even in the smallest of decisions I made back then. The teacher counseled me for quite some time before introducing me to Christ on a Christian outreach youth camp. I remember feeling unworthy of God’s love, but the idea of having complete forgiveness and acceptance being the convincing factor that brought me to my knees. I was about 16 on a beach in Port Edward, Natal.

Finally I found a sense of peace that I had never felt before. I also discovered unconditional love and acceptance. God became my escape and my comfort. It was like running into your dad’s arms when you are scared and just feeling his strength surround you. He may not be able to take away the hurt but He’s there, he loves you and that’s all you need in that moment.

I challenge God at every turn and He has enormous patience with my ignorance and lack of faith at times. Why had I had such a painful past being a question I asked often. What's the point, what must I learn from it and what benefit can He take out of it to use to his Glory. There was no audible voice with answers but now as I go on a journey of starting a "survivors of sexual abuse support group" and awareness campaigns in schools, I feel I have my answers. Everything is used to His glory but in His timing.

I challenged God when my close friend was murdered in his home for a pair of tackies, I shouted at Him for at the unfairness of it. Sitting at the bedside of a ICU unit with my best friends 18 month old little girl, watching her little body fight and lose it’s battle against Leukemia, I pleaded with God for her life and my heart screamed out to Him to listen to our prayers. I'm not alone in having questioned God when pain and unfairness knocked at my door. I know without a doubt that when I’m pleading for answers He is listening. Sometimes I get an answer, sometimes I don't...maybe I'm just not listening, but without a doubt I know He is still God, unquestionably alive and working on His plan for our lives.

There are some days when Life get’s me down and Satan reminds me of my weaknesses, the pain of the past seems to seep into my world. At these times, God reminds in a voice that I now recognize as His. “Look up!”. Don’t be pulled down by the world and Satan's lies about what you can and can't achieve, look up to me and allow me to be your strength and your understanding. Know that I am God, and that’s all you need.

I’m blessed beyond measure in my life. An old saying reminds me of all that I have, “my cup is overflowing….I’m drinking from the saucer.”